Freedom From the ‘Good Clinician’ Rules (Episode 32)
If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “I should be further along by now,” or “I should just figure this out on my own,” you’re not alone—and you’re definitely not broken. In this episode, we’re looking at the quiet, persistent “shoulds” that can show up in your private practice and how they might be holding you back.
I’ll walk you through some of the most common shoulds I hear from therapists—like “I should already be full,” “I should be doing more,” or “I should just be grateful”—and offer grounded reframes to help you untangle those thoughts. Whether you’re comparing yourself to other clinicians, feeling frustrated by slow growth, or second-guessing your path, this conversation is here to remind you that your way is valid—and worthy.
If you’ve been hard on yourself lately, this one’s for you.
Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:
1️⃣ Why the belief that you “should already be full” is often rooted in unrealistic expectations—and what to focus on instead
2️⃣ How doing fewer things with intention can actually lead to more growth (and less burnout)
3️⃣ The difference between gratitude and guilt when it comes to wanting more or making changes in your practice
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Hey everyone. Welcome back to Marketing Therapy. It's funny when I think about the clients that my clients therapists most often serve, it is some version of a high functioning, over-functioning, anxious perfectionistic woman. Now, not all of the therapists I serve work with that type of person , but it is definitely the most common client type that we see.
And what's interesting is often the clients themselves, the clinicians themselves are also high functioning, anxious, high achieving women. Is that interesting? But as I was reflecting on kind of this phenomenon, I've noticed how often I chat with therapists about the way that their clients should themselves.
Do you see your clients should themselves? I should be further along. I should be handling this better. I should be over it by now. This shame and lack of self-compassion that is so common in not just women certainly, but people having this type of experience. And how curious is it that therapists are often supporting their clients in this shoulding themselves and helping them grow in self-compassion and greater awareness of what's really happening there when they themselves are also often shoulding themselves.
Now, your work is usually about helping your clients notice those thoughts. Like I said, extend some compassion. Practice grace. But I see so many of you doing it in your own practices, shoulding yourselves. I should already be full. I should know how to do this. I should do what everyone else is doing.
Now, when you are running a business, you aren't working for someone else. You aren't clocking in and clocking out, right? You're creating something that is truly your own. You're carrying financial stakes. Right. You are probably a contributor to your household, possibly the only one. You might be breaking generational patterns in your family by going out and becoming this highly trained professional.
And not just that, but also starting a business, right? I don't need to tell you that the pressure here is high. The pressure is very, very high, and I think that's why so many therapists get caught shooting themselves, whether they realize it or not. So today I wanna look at the most common shoulds that therapists put on themselves.
And if you are caught in one of them, what they're costing you, but also what it could open up if you're able to let them go. Now, growing a practice, becoming a CEO mindset, business owner, all of those things, it's not about perfection. You're never gonna get there, right? We're always gonna have struggles.
But I do wanna encourage you here to free yourself from some of the old definitions of what a quote unquote good clinician should look like, so you can build a practice that actually fits you, not just now, but also for the long term. All right, so one of the most common shoulds that I hear from clinicians is I should already be full or a variation.
I should be seeing results faster. Oftentimes this is rooted, quite frankly, just in unrealistic expectations in this market. It is very unlikely that you're going to launch a practice from the ground up and have a full caseload in a handful of months. That takes time, right? And we've all seen the overnight success stories.
We've all seen the people that are making six figures their first year in practice, or multiple six figures. And while those are wonderful stories to know about and to strive for, they can sometimes lull us into a sense of believing that that's the experience for everyone, and that if we aren't having that experience, then something is wrong.
Okay? I want you to remember that sustainable growth takes longer, but it also lasts longer. And that's not to say if you are very, very successful in your first year, that it can't continue. But it is to say that if you are slowly but surely making progress in your practice, chances are that slow. But sure, progress is only going to continue over the long term.
Not full yet is not the same as failing. The only way you fail here is if you quit. So how could you shift that here? You know, your clients don't change their patterns into sessions, right? Therapy takes time. So too does growing a therapy practice. Sometimes when I see clinicians shooting themselves in this place, there is like it or not, a bit of a sense of entitlement as well.
Well, I did my time. I did the marketing. I. Launched the website, I reached out to that networking contact and they never got back to me. And of course, this is never intentional, but it, there can be a sense of entitlement to clients. I was actually speaking with a clinician who launched her practice during the pandemic, which was in many ways a good time, quote unquote, to launch a practice because the need was so great.
Well, here we are in post pandemic times where the need has shifted. The market has shifted. Clients aren't just clamoring to go to any available therapist anymore. And so what used to work to get clients might not work the same way. And it can be tempting in the realization that you might have to make a change to feel like you shouldn't have to.
And believe me, the only reason I'm saying this is because I know that feeling. I too have felt entitled in my own business in times as I look back. But sometimes this feeling that I should already be full or I should be seeing results faster is because I believe that I've already done my time. And so I would encourage you, however you're experiencing this, should, if I have said something that has struck a chord with you, I encourage you to replace the frustration you're feeling with a bit of curiosity.
What can I learn here? What is this season showing me? We've been talking in the past couple of episodes about the seasons of private practice. How can you appreciate the one you're in right now? What would failure actually mean and what evidence do you have that maybe you're not failing at all? I want to normalize here, slow and steady progress.
You are in this for the long game, right? You didn't launch a practice for the next 1, 3, 5 years. You did it for the long game, and that's not to say you can't be successful in the one, three or five years. But it does mean that what you're creating, slow and steady, is likely going to be incredibly sustainable as long as you keep pushing forward.
So what can you learn here? If you're finding yourself, shoulding yourself in this way, the next should that I see a lot of clinicians fall into, I should know how to do this, or another version, I should just figure it out on my own. Now, understandably, many clinicians pride themselves on independence you probably have story after story of how you have been scrappy and made it work up until now. And obviously we talk about this all the time. Grad school didn't cover business, and so there's this rub between you being independent and scrappy and self-sufficient, and also never having actually been taught these things.
Whatever these things are. Maybe it's accounting, maybe it's billing, maybe it's marketing, maybe it's writing copy, whatever that might be. But in the same way that you see your own clients' benefit in some ways from self-help or self-care practices and strategies, it can't replace therapy.
Therapy deepens and accelerates growth that a client on themselves can rarely experience. And so if you're someone feeling bad about the fact that you should know how to do this or you should just figure it out on your own, I believe you probably could. DIY everything. But at what cost? What is the cost of continuing to believe that you should figure this out on your own?
The time, the energy, the frustration, the opportunity cost of staying there. The smartest clinicians I know, the most successful ones have invested in support to fill the gaps they themselves could not fill. Sometimes that means hiring someone for their website. Not always, though. Sometimes it's seeking out a coach.
Sometimes it's working on their mindset. Sometimes it's outsourcing the menial tasks of their business that keep them spinning in their admin time, but they are investing in support so they can focus on the work only they can do. Only you can show up in the room and do what you do with your clients.
And so if you're finding yourself feeling bad about your quote unquote inability to do something by yourself, I wanna remind you that seeking help isn't weakness. It is wisdom and it is so often beneficial over the long term, even if it feels expensive in time, energy, money, whatever it might be upfront.
Alright, the next one I should be doing more. Have you ever thought this one, I should be doing more? That clinician over there in the Facebook group said they're doing this thing. Oh, that person did a lunch and learn at a doctor's office. Oh, this person is getting followers on TikTok. This person talked about SEO or blogging.
It is very difficult in the hyper social world we live in and that you operate your practice in to not feel drawn in 1 million directions. Pulled it toward every platform and strategy out there believing that maybe this will be the thing. Okay. We call that shiny object syndrome. If you've never heard that term before, but it's you being distracted by the new shiny object that someone suggested or you saw online or you heard about.
I've said this for a really long time, since very, very early on in the days of Walker Strategy Co. And I believe this more now than I have ever believed it. When you focus on fewer things. And do them with absolute excellence, you get far more results than when you do a bunch of things subpar. So if you look at all the ways that you could grow your practice and you select just a handful that feel authentic to you and sustainable, and you commit to doing them over time very, very well, you will get such better results and also enjoy the journey a heck of a lot more than if you dabble in every single strategy out there.
Please hear me. That more activity, doing quote unquote more, does not equate to more progress. This is a quality over quantity issue. You've probably heard the jack of all trades, but master of none phrase
are you being a jack of all trades in your marketing and therefore a master of none. Or are you being intentional and thoughtful and doing those things well over time? Refusing to be distracted, refusing to just be drawn to something brand new just because someone else said it might work, and instead doing what feels right for you.
Because growing a practice, it is not one size fits all. Yeah, you can absolutely dance on Instagram reels and have an incredibly successful practice. You could also never show up on camera and write blogs. You could pay for Google ads when done well. You can network your heart out. There are so many ways you can do this, and just because someone else experienced success in one way does not mean that yours has to look the same.
I've gotten countless messages from clinicians who have thanked me for freeing them from the belief they held that they had to be on social media because it felt so inauthentic to them. And they realized, oh my goodness.
When I don't have to do that, it frees me up to do what I do want to do. And the success stories I have that follow that revelation are crazy. You don't have to do more. Do a handful of things that make sense for you and do them with excellence over time.
That is what will lead to sustainability and growth.
Alright, the next one. I should just be grateful for the clients I have. Have you felt this? Maybe you look around and you see others having a hard time gaining traction and getting clients, and there's a guilt about wanting more when others are struggling. You have some clients, shouldn't you just be grateful for them?
Or this can sometimes be a should. That sounds like I should say yes to everyone. You know? I am afraid of turning clients away, who I could help and who will pay me. Remember, two things can be true at a time.
Gratitude for the clients you have and a desire for change. Wanting something different, looking to pivot in your niche. Looking too deep panel doesn't mean you aren't grateful for the clients who currently have, doesn't mean you don't cherish those relationships or care about their progress. Two things can be true at the same time.
And the boundaries you set around who you're attracting and who you're bringing into your practice are what contribute to the sustainability of your practice over time. Because the more you can show up in the room as the best version of the therapist that you are, the longer you'll be able to stay in this game.
The more you'll enjoy it and the better outcomes your clients will get. Saying no to some clients allows you to say a more wholehearted yes to the right ones saying quote unquote no is an act of integrity, not rejection. And you can, like I said, cherish the clients you currently have and want something different.
And if you have felt that tension, especially as you look around with other people, perhaps struggling to get any clients, please know that that's okay, that you can live in that tension and both things can be true at the same time. All right. What about this one? I should sound more professional. I think this one is a remnant of the blank slate buttoned up ideal that clinicians, especially of the yester year, we're very much taught. We've seen the way in this market that clients want humanity. They're looking for connection. They're looking for deep, deep understanding, not jargon, not professional language, and it's why in marketing therapy, in this podcast, we talk so much about finding your voice because your authentic voice, it communicates more confidence than formality can, than a list of trainings or certifications or where you went to school.
Can. Your authentic voice is where the relationship with your clients begins. I've said before that your clients right now are wading through an absolute sea of sameness. Right now they're opening up website after website with stacked rocks and beige color schemes and cardigan therapists, and of course, none of these things are bad, right?
I'm just talking about cliches here. But whatever it is that you bring to the table, whatever sets you apart, lean into that. If you swear in session, I always tell therapists that's one of the best ways to connect in your copy. Swear in your copy. If you have pink hair, if you like bold colors, do whatever it takes.
And if you like the beige, the cardigan, that's okay too. Embrace that. Own it, and be authentic about it. What clients don't want right now is the removed cold. Hard to connect to clinician. They're looking for a two-way street for engagement and to be in the room with a human. How can you show up to your marketing as a human?
Professionalism matters. No doubt about it, and clients want that, but professionalism does not outweigh authenticity, particularly in this market.
All right, I got one more for you. This is a little bit similar to one I mentioned earlier, but I should do what everyone else is doing. Kind of similar to that. I should be doing more, I was mentioning earlier, but this one I think comes down to a lot of that comparison game. Comparing yourself to peers where they are people you graduated with and when they started a practice, how full are they?
How full are you? This person raised their fees, this person hit this income, and sometimes what that can lead to is a desire to reverse engineer their success. Well, I heard this person did X, Y, and Z to get a full practice, and so I'm gonna do X, Y, and Z. Remember, the therapeutic relationship is more important than the modality here.
The way that you grow your practice
matters far less than how you show up to those things someone's path. SEO, Instagram Networking doesn't have to be yours. The tactic by which you grow your practice is secondary. Your voice, your energy, your authenticity is primary. If you're doing things in your marketing because someone said you should, and you despise it, and quite frankly, resent it a little bit, guess what?
That's gonna show up in your marketing. And when you copy others, whether you mean to or not, you dilute the relationship with your ideal client.
So whatever it is that you choose to do to grow your practice, let your strategy serve that, not replace it.
Lead from an authentic place. Make decisions about your practice. From that place, show up to your marketing and to your business as the version of yourself you want to be, not what someone else said you should do or what that other successful therapist did do. What's this gonna look like for you?
You get to carve that path.
Alright? Did any of these hit home for you? I'm curious. Just like you help clients notice when they're shoulding themselves, I want you to remember that you can practice the same compassion with yourself, and I hope this episode invited you perhaps to do that. Remember that being a good clinician isn't about polish.
It isn't about how quickly you fill your caseload. It is so much more about authenticity and discernment and clarity. That's what I want for you.
Like I said, we've been talking about the seasons of private practice recently and enjoying the ride. How could you better enjoy this ride? Enjoy this journey and extend yourself some compassion and some grace. Get out of these mindset traps you might not even realize you're in. I heard from a clinician who just graduated Confident Copy a couple of weeks ago, and she told us that this program really helped me feel confident in my niche, the therapy I offer to clients and the quality of my work.
I really feel like without this program, I wouldn't know the value of the work I do to the level that I know now. She left confident copy with incredible copy, I can tell you 'cause I read it, but also with this really incredible newfound understanding of what she brings to the room and how critical and valuable it is.
That's what happens when you market from authenticity. You reconnect to your own confidence. And it's not to say that clinician or any of us will ever, not should ourselves ever again, but it sure does free you up to enjoy the journey and to make decisions from a place of authenticity. It's one of the reasons I love Confident Copy so much because it gives people more than just words.
It gives them ownership of their own expertise. They really step into that in ways they don't expect to often as they leave the program. Remember when you decided to grow your practice? You built this practice to be uniquely yours. Don't let anyone else's expectations or your own shoulds take that away from you.
Okay? I hope this one was helpful for you. Invited you to reflect a bit. Know that I'm cheering you on that. I believe you can do this in whatever way is right for you. Thanks for being here today. I'll see you in the next episode.
Resources & Links Mentioned:
Confident Copy: walkerstrategyco.com/cc
The Walker Strategy Co website: walkerstrategyco.com
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About Marketing Therapy
Marketing Therapy is the podcast where therapists learn how to market their private practices without burnout, self-doubt, or sleazy tactics. Hosted by Anna Walker—marketing coach, strategist, and founder of Walker Strategy Co—each episode brings you clear, grounded advice to help you attract the right-fit, full-fee clients and grow a practice you feel proud of.
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